Changing Yourself to Meet the Changes that are Thrown Your Way

There have been and continue to be many changes in my life in the last year and the year to come. I have dealt with, and am still dealing with, the grief of the loss of a loved one. My parents are going to be moving to a different country within the next two months. My closest sibling lives six hours away from me and many of my friends live more than a 12-hour drive from me. We can all be overwhelmed at times but for someone who does not know how to process any type of feeling and can be catastrophic. 

Moving on: Grief

Love is an interesting thing. It opens you up to the possibility of loss. When you love someone you give them the ability to hurt you. This does not mean that you should close yourself off. I know that grief can hurt and when you lose someone you love it is like the world is shaken and you are knocked off your feet. I have been dealing with grief and the ups and downs of trying to feel in the midst of all of this pain. There are so many thoughts swirling around in the darkness of my mind. However, through this loss, I have gained myself and I am learning to build my emotions back up after a fall. 

Moving on: Being left behind

My parents are leaving the country. They will be over 20 hours away by plane. This is going to be very tough to transition to. They will be there for at least the next 3 years. This will take some growth and learning in order to be independent. I have the ability to cut myself off from all of my emotions. This seems good at first but eventually, it turns into something dark. I will have to mature greatly in the next few months to deal with this new situation. 

Moving on: Separation

Relationships are not easy and they are even more difficult when distance and time are put in between them. I made many new friends this year but a great deal of them live far away. I miss them dearly and it will be months before I see them again. You would think that things would be fine because of technology and the connectivity of this day and age but some of them are awful communicators. It makes me anxious at times and sad at others but I would rather know them and be miles apart then never know them at all. 

Open yourself up to the world and to people. Yes, you will get hurt. It is not a matter of if but of when. You will have to grieve but that grief will give birth to something new that you did not realize that you needed. Just because it seems like people are moving on and going somewhere where you can’t follow does not mean that they are truly leaving you behind. No matter how much it hurts to love someone, it is better than cutting yourself off completely. 

Please feel free to email me any questions, stories, themes, or ideas I am grateful for all your contributions.

My email is evilholmess@gmail.com

My Instagram is @evi.l.holmes 

-Evi L. Holmes

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