The First Leg (an Introvert in Unknown Territories)

I have talked about friends before and will continue to talk about it because it is a new field for me. I am not one who keeps many friends. This is not a harsh judgment of the people whom I do not regard as friends but instead a positive review of the few that I choose. This rings true for one of my best friends.

The first four days of my expedition into the unknown of my comfortlessness I drove to see her. Let it be known, I hate driving. Travel, in general, is rough when I must do it on my own (but I think I will save this for a different post). I had done no planning beforehand and I had never been to her apartment. I didn’t know what I was getting into. 

It didn’t turn out bad it actually went well. On top of that, I wasn’t worried about it beforehand like I usually would. I had let it go and it led me not to worry.

My friend worked a lot while I was there, so I spent a lot of time on my own reading, relaxing, and recharging my battery for the craziness that I assumed would be ahead. This time was invaluable because I was coming off of my toughest college semester and going into a time of unknowns. 

What did I learn or relearn at my friends’ house?

I need my time to be alone but some people can give me energy. She is one of the very few people that gives me just enough energy to keep up the conversation with her. It is a net-zero but that is very good for me because net positives don’t exist where people are concerned. 

I found that I don’t need to plan absolutely everything and that even when I don’t plan, I do. I had contingencies plans that were unknown to me but I had still made. This tells me that I am who I am regardless of how “chilled out” I try to be. I am a planner and within that, I am a subconscious planner. My mind plans things out for me and just computes and answer that I don’t have to work on. 

In conclusion, I am always planning and perhaps it would be better on my stress levels to let my subconscious take more of the work. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous to let things go and that I didn’t have a few mental breakdowns along the way. That is why I think that I need to let go of some of the planning but maintain the broad control of my life. This could be helpful for you if you are an introverted planner like me.

Is there anyone who gives you a “net-zero” on your energy? How much do you plan your life?

Please feel free to email me any questions, stories, themes, or ideas I am grateful for all your contributions.

My email is evilholmess@gmail.com

My Instagram is @evi.l.holmes 

My Twitter is @RealEvilHolmes

-Evi. L. Holmes

Changing Yourself to Meet the Changes that are Thrown Your Way

There have been and continue to be many changes in my life in the last year and the year to come. I have dealt with, and am still dealing with, the grief of the loss of a loved one. My parents are going to be moving to a different country within the next two months. My closest sibling lives six hours away from me and many of my friends live more than a 12-hour drive from me. We can all be overwhelmed at times but for someone who does not know how to process any type of feeling and can be catastrophic. 

Moving on: Grief

Love is an interesting thing. It opens you up to the possibility of loss. When you love someone you give them the ability to hurt you. This does not mean that you should close yourself off. I know that grief can hurt and when you lose someone you love it is like the world is shaken and you are knocked off your feet. I have been dealing with grief and the ups and downs of trying to feel in the midst of all of this pain. There are so many thoughts swirling around in the darkness of my mind. However, through this loss, I have gained myself and I am learning to build my emotions back up after a fall. 

Moving on: Being left behind

My parents are leaving the country. They will be over 20 hours away by plane. This is going to be very tough to transition to. They will be there for at least the next 3 years. This will take some growth and learning in order to be independent. I have the ability to cut myself off from all of my emotions. This seems good at first but eventually, it turns into something dark. I will have to mature greatly in the next few months to deal with this new situation. 

Moving on: Separation

Relationships are not easy and they are even more difficult when distance and time are put in between them. I made many new friends this year but a great deal of them live far away. I miss them dearly and it will be months before I see them again. You would think that things would be fine because of technology and the connectivity of this day and age but some of them are awful communicators. It makes me anxious at times and sad at others but I would rather know them and be miles apart then never know them at all. 

Open yourself up to the world and to people. Yes, you will get hurt. It is not a matter of if but of when. You will have to grieve but that grief will give birth to something new that you did not realize that you needed. Just because it seems like people are moving on and going somewhere where you can’t follow does not mean that they are truly leaving you behind. No matter how much it hurts to love someone, it is better than cutting yourself off completely. 

Please feel free to email me any questions, stories, themes, or ideas I am grateful for all your contributions.

My email is evilholmess@gmail.com

My Instagram is @evi.l.holmes 

-Evi L. Holmes

Creative Writing Ventures: Update

As promised, this post is going to be a brief, general overview of some outside creative writing projects that I am currently working on. If this is something you like, please let me know and I will continue to update you on my progress as I work towards various goals. 

Novels and Worldbuilding

This is, naturally, the largest project in the queue of projects that I have dreamt of. I am currently working on a series of novels that are spanning two eras with a large gap in between. I am drafting outlines for the series in the free time (I know what free time, right?). I am very excited about this project but there is much worldbuilding I must accomplish before attempting to right more than the few scenes that I currently have. I know this is very little information, but you may ask questions and I will answer them if I do not believe it will harm my prospects for publication because we would not want that.

Creative Short Stories

I have so many ideas that would work in a short story format and have contemplated posting some of them on this blog once I have completed them to a satisfactory level. If this is something you all would be interested in, please let me know. There are too many ideas to list here and besides, it is better for them to be a surprise anyway.

The Overflow and Outpouring of my Overactive Brain and Imagination: Should I give you another window into the madness of my mind?

How much of my brain do you want to be able to see? This blog only scratches the very surface of the madness that goes on daily inside of my mind. As the “first movers” of this blog, I want you guys to help shape this blog into what you believe will be beneficial to you. I would love to share more with you but it would be fun for you all to set the scale of how much I let you in on. 

What do you guys want me to do for you? 

I am ultimately here for you. I want to make this little patch of the internet a bright place for people to congregate and just think and learn and be creative. I want to make an impact on the people of this world in a positive manner and writing is one way I believed I could do so. You know what I want from this, so, now it is your turn to let me see what you want as well. 

Please feel free to email me any questions, stories, themes, or ideas I am grateful for all your contributions.

My email is evilholmess@gmail.com

My Instagram is @evi.l.holmes 

-Evi. L. Holmes